ninja story

So this is the story you asked me about today? Yea, I wouldn't mind if you put me in but I would like to be one of those characters that doesn't tag along with everyone else and not be goofy like everybody else.

Here are my nickpicks-

1.)TOO MANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES! E.g. "when were through with you there wont be any more situations to trouble you so". "were" is suppose to be "we're". This confused me for a few seconds because "when were" didn't make sense.

2.)Mixing dialouges from different cultures is interesting though it shifts the mood of the story too much imo. On one side, you get a very serious mood going on that gives the reader a feeling the time takes place around the middle ages. On the other side, the mood changes to a more comical feeling making the reader wonder if the story actually takes place in 2007. So when exactly does this take place?

3.)Use the enter button. It's hard to read something when the dialouge and detail and discriptions are all in one huge paragraph. Who cares if you take up too much space in the post?

Issue #1 and #3 are just to make it easier to read. Issue #2 is something you might want to take into consideration.

lol

What's so funny?

nuthing

are you sure?

no the question r u 2 sure? =]

are you sure?

no the actual question to ask is if you are sure =P

oh, are you sure?

*sighs* this is never gonna end.....

probably

lol but i doubt ure sure of that =]

Ill post more once school starts, Ive just had some work to do lately. Im also thinking about starting a Pirate story. I can write it better cause I know more about them then ninjas.

This is making me want to write my own stories. Though all those stories I have in my head are more fan fiction of anime and games then stories. Fan fiction is ok right?

i guess. my first day of school was ok. stan is in my english class. he sat behind me today. and i kinda saw daniel today although i didn't get a good look at him.

If fanfics are what yopure interested in, sign up on fanfiction.com. Its free, and they dont have any cruddy emails and stuff. (you have to wait 2 days before posting stories though)

i hve fanfiction. but i just read and reply =] ya fanfictions cool as long as its not perverted yaios with naruto and sasuke in it...EWWW! AND NONE WITH KAKASHI EITHER!! ANY!

Ok, I dont write naruto fan-fics or homsexual fanfics anyway...

ok

I dont really know alot about either. Same with romance storys. Best I can do is "person A and person B kissed"

wahahahahaha.. if u need help ask samantha....... or iggy..... samantha will explain with me and iggy......... and iggy can bring out his preverted side.

ummm no thanks. I like my stuff to be at most T rated.

he wnt go extreme but hell help u -.-

maybe then....

Sorry bout the double post.

Ninja Story

Chapter 4: The Darkest Day
I’m keeping Emiles chapter, I’ll try and incorporate it into the story. I own all my made-up characters, don’t tell me u don’t like what they do.

“WAKE UP KEVIN!” “I DIDN’T DO IT!” Kevin yelled, sitting up in his chair. “Indeed. Well then, said the sensei Kasaki glaring down at him “what IS the Uruk badlands, and why are they so significant?” “ They’re the land which the Destroyer ravaged, before he was stopped by The Five.” said one of the kids sitting in the back of the classroom. “Whew,” thought Kevin “that was close” after class, Kevin looked for the kid who had helped him out. “Thanks man, you really saved my bacon back there.” “ Hey, its what anybody would do.” “I’m Kevin” Kevin said, sticking out his hand. “And I’m Zach” the boy said, gripping Kevin’s hand and shaking it with a smile on his face. “Hey guys, are we late to Sensei Kasaki’s class?” said Natalie who had just run in with Adam and Emile behind her. “It just ended,” said Zach, pointing at all the teenage ninjas walking around in the courtyard “ it wasn’t that interesting honestly.” “Well, now lets go and hang around by the” started Emile, cut off as somebody put a hand on his shoulder. “Relax, its me” said Kasaki “ now what is this I hear about skipping classes” Kasaki glared at Emile, Adam and Natalie “ and ‘boring’ classes?” he said, glaring this time at Zach and Kevin. “Our apologies master sensei” said the children, bowing low. “ Oh well,” said Kasaki “you all can do me a favor and bring this package to Mayor Antonio then.” “Yes sensei!” said the kids, bowing again. “Beat you there!” yelled Adam, as he took off down the path that lead back to the village closely followed by the other four kids.

Meanwhile, in the Uruk Badlands, in a massive stone castle a man in a dark cloak sat in a throne and tapped his fingers on the arms impatiently. “Where the hell is the friggin jester I sent for?” he muttered to seemingly no one but himself. A man walked through the doors accompanied by two burly cloaked men with wicked looking swords by their sides. The man took a step forward and fell on his face. He promptly got up and started a joke. “Knock knock” the man on the throne sighed and then stated “to the dungeon” he said, voice devoid of all emotion. “But you never even asked who’s there!” the man cried as he was carted off by the two guards. “Pitiful” the man on the throne said ‘but you already knew that, did you not Naga?” “Truly no one can evade the detection of the Sssssnake King,” said a cloaked figure stepping from the shadows next to the throne. “Ssssuch is your power” “Never mind that,” said the man “but do you know what you have to do?” “Of courssssse I do master.” “Do not worry, the plan will be a successsssss and the pathetic village dwellersssss will be wiped out for good.” “Fine then,” said the man, standing up “ you know what to do.” “May flame and death smile upon you.” “As alwayssss.” said the figure, as it disappeared from sight.

“YES!” crowed Adam as he touched the tree, “I got here first!” he heard a snickering from the tree top and looked up to see Natalie hanging upside down above him. “Oh c’mon, not again” said Adam as the rest of the group came into sight. “Who knows, maybe next time” said Natalie as she fell to the ground. “So, who’s the new guy?” asked Adam. “Name’s Zach, nice to meet you all.” said Zach, shaking everybody’s hand. “Lets deliver that package now.” said Kevin, as he started walking towards the tower where the mayor lived. “Why hello there” said a man of about 50 years when they knocked on the door. “What brings the villages peppiest sprouts to my humble adobe?” “Sensei Kasaki told us to deliver this package to you.” said Kevin, handing over the bundle. “Thank you, I was looking for a new book on pie crusts” said the mayor unwrapping the parcel. “Come on in, let me tell you a bit about my studies” he continued, ushering in the group of kids. They walked up to the highest floor, where Mayor Antonio kept his personal belongings. “Mayor, I have this box that just won’t open up” said Adam, showing the box he had taken from the corpse in the river. “Hmmm, I know what to do!” said Antonio, who pulled a sword off the wall behind him and cut the box in two. “Its just a key” said Adam, looking dejected. “Actually, it looks like half a key to me” said Natalie, examining the key half. “Hey mayor, what’s that on your neck?” asked Kevin. “Just a memento, now lets move on” said Antonio “But it looks like half a key!” said Kevin. Emile promptly ripped the necklace off the mayor’s neck. “ What was that for!” demanded the mayor angrily. “Aha!” exclaimed Emile, for the two halves were of the same key. As he put them near each other, a bright light shined blinding everybody. Zach, the first to recover, exclaimed “they fused!” for the key halves had indeed fused together. “Well, I suppose it has come to pass” said Mayor Antonio, sitting down in a chair. “What do you mean?” asked Adam. “There’s not much time to explain, but you are” he was cut off by a loud crash as smoke billowed into the room. “You’ve sssaid enough.” announced a figure in a dark cloak, striding from the mist accompanied by a person in matching black robes. An iron mask covered their faces, giving them a look of a skeleton. The leading figure looked at the children and then at the other cloaked figure. “ Kill them” the leader said, motioning towards them. “I’ll deal with the mayor.” “Think again!” shouted the mayor, pulling two broadswords off the wall behind him. “Over my dead body!” “That can be arranged” said the assassin, pulling a large sword of its back. “Stay back!” exclaimed Adam, pulling his wooden sword out. “You’ll regret this!” exclaimed Natalie as the rest of them drew their practice weapons. “You fools wont just die quietly now, will you?” asked the cloaked man as he brought out his own sword. He cut through the wooden weapons like a knife through butter. On the other side of the chamber Antonio saw the peril the kids were in. He threw one of his swords towards the assassin menacing them. As he caught the blade in his chest, the assassin let out a scream and disappeared into wisps of smoke. The leading assassin knocked the remaining blade out of the mayor’s hands. “Good bye old man” said the assassin, and kicked Antonio in the chest. The force of this sent the man through the hole in the wall and down towards the street below. Laughing cruelly, the cloaked figure disappeared in a snap. “NO!” exclaimed Natalie, and rushed down the staircase to the street below. People were already starting to gather, and the mayor motioned for the kids to come closer. “Find the cavern in the hills where the sun becomes black” he whispered. “You are the Reconquerers, and must not fail.” And with that, the old man said no more.

Waddya think?